EWW video The Lion King 1½ (aka: The Lion King 3: Hakuna Matata) aired Christmas 2015.
1. Thirty-three second Disney logo makes me thankful this isn't a Pixar joint as well.
2. We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring you a first movie of the Lion King.
3. ("I gotta tell you Timon, that song always gets me right here!" "Yeah, Pumbaa. Well, enough of that.") Oh…you mean the silhouettes from Mystery Science Theater 3000? We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring you Mystery Science Theater 3000.
4. (I'm fast forwarding to the part where we come in!) Fast forward techniques.
5. Also, behold…the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Remote!
6. And rewind techniques.
7. (when Timon and Pumbaa are scared for the hyenas) Hyena jumpscare.
8. ("A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story!") From the making of…a direct-to-video Lion King movie?
9. ("Does this mean we're going back to the beginning?" "Oh no, Pumbaa. No. We're going way back…to before the beginning!") Timon has to control the remote the go back to the beginning of the Lion King movie we already planned.
10. Also, universal remote controls.
11. (title "The Lion King½" is shown) Woah! Another Lion King title card? With a symbol in like, half a day? That's a long time to come up with half of the movie!
12. Also, half of the movie.
13. ("Pride Rock." "So majestic." "So powerful." "So…bizarrely named.") "Pride Rock" is a noun and three verbs in this movie can name this poem for a place in this Lion King background.
14. ("When I was a young meerkat…") Unnecessary song is short.
15. ("Please remain seated while the camera's in motion.") You mean like, Universal Studios Hollywood? Or the roller coaster? Or a spinning teacup? We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring you theme parks.
16. ("From Pride Rock in the pit of a shame, we're so low on the food chain and we're underground.") Three syllables, Timon.
17. Also, Pride Rock is far longer away in 10,000 miles from the desert.
18. (the meerkats are doing a song for tunnel digging) Look at all these meerkats, they are doing to impress their tunnel digging for Disney, so it's a musical number, people.
19. Also, 65 seconds of song for tunnel digging.
20. Can't this thing have a deleted scene of Fearless Buzz? Because…Fearless Buzz isn't in the movie.
21. ("No fractures, no lacerations, no concussions, contusions or injuries of any sort. As a matter of fact, there's no sign of Timon's handiwork anywhere!") Couldn't Uncle Max have a GPS to know where Timon is? The gang's tunnel digging straight by the ground.
22. ("That…would be…TIIIMOOOOOOOON!") Premature anger.
23. ("All we do is dig so we can hide and hide so we can dig.") Back and forth meaning.
24. ("Meerkat, it's what's for dinner!") That's racist.
25. Also, not having dinner time for meerkats is when animals can eat when a movie "Bug's Life" is uploading at CinemaSins for almost anything, to any legit.
26. "Uncle Max uses Jeep slogan" cliche.
27. ("My son on sentry duty! Timon the sentry!") If I wouldn't understand to hear when everything's going for this, but the whole tunnel on the ground is demolished.
28. Iron Joe.
29. ("Scurry, sniff, flinch!") Obedience school.
30. We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring you "Warthog Rhapsody".
31. This song is way long for like, 200 seconds of the motion picture soundtrack when Timon gets to miss 2nd verse to this Disney music number.
32. ("I've always been good at runnin' away-Well, now I'm gonna run the show-ow, I've always been seen as the ultimate prey, but now my status ain't so quo!") Well that's not silly, because that show, Timon…has been cancelled.
33. "Song interrupted by hyenas in the first movie" cliche.
34. ("Okay." "This is no time for horseplay, Timon. You're supposed to be up there looking out for…hyenas!") I can't believe the hyena gang scared my own uncle away.
35. ("Get in here! What are you, a meshugginah?") That's racist.
36. "Meerkat role call" cliche.
37. ("Ohh…what a relief, everybody's…where's Uncle Max?") I see Uncle Max at the Prometheus School of Running Away From Things.
38. "Warthog accidentally changed his own movie to the shopping channel" cliche.
39. ("Hey, what's going on? Pumbaa, you're sitting on the remote!" "Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.") But…why? Pumbaa did not get mistaken for a brownie if it was a remote control.
40. Also, QVC.
41. ("All right, so I made a teensy mistake. Like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before. Ha ha ha... come on. Let me have a show of hands.") But…why? That song is already heard in like, 15 minutes ago!
42. ("Okay. ...Maybe it's a little too soon, but I'm sure we're all gonna laugh about this someday. Trust me.") And you already just destroyed our own tunnel when you're looking for his dad!
43. ("And so, with high spirits I boldly ventured off where no meerkat had dared to go before. I put my past behind me and never looked back.") Couldn't this meerkat go to school? Because…meerkats can't hold on to school things.
44. Also, narration.
45. ("That depends what you seek!") Monkey jumpscare.
46. ("How convenient. Enter omniscient monkey. Right on cue.") "Enter omniscient monkey" cliche.
47. ("That's it. No more fortune cookies for you.") I just reminded that it's not fortune cookies, because warthogs can't read, because all fortune cookie privileges are lost.
48. ("Hakuna Matata. It means "no worries".") You mean, this translated word in like, Tamil? Or Hawaii? Or, Utah?
49. Remember that time when Rafiki was away? Because you didn't even remember about Pride Rock when it's right far out.
50. Also, the frog in the Lion King.
51. Warthog jumpscare.
52. ("You know, first impressions are very important. Oh…I thought YOU were a scream.") No…people who scream every day when you have their first impressions.
53. ("Most animals give me a pretty wide berth.") No…it's "birth". Do it right, you bullish*t warthog!
54. ("At last, things were looking up. I had the sun on my shoulders, the wind at my heels, a song in my heart.") What the? The characters returned in the beginning of the movie? That's bullish*t!
55. ("You really think I look fat?") That's racist.
56. ("I think we're a little late." "It's a land rush, that loudmouth monkey!") That's even racist.
57. "Warthog farting" cliche.
58. ("We have neighbors? We should go say hello." "Noisy neighbors? There go to the property values.") Are you telling me it's a musical number that can wake their own neighborhood? Because animals don't have any neighborhoods, look at them side to side of the wild.
59. ("Pfft…show people.") Broadway live Lion King.
60. ("Spectacular waterfalls, set in a lush, tropical oasis. A scrumptious array of…") A scrumptious array of what? Dirty bug turds? That's disgusting, isn't it?
61. ("Home sweet ho…") You're sure meerkats trip in a graveyard? Because, that's no dream home.
62. Also, the Elephant Graveyard.
63. ("This is home sweet home baby! Home…") What? You just did that again!
64. Also, geyser fountains with Old Faithful.
65. ("Something tells me this ain't the traveling company of Riverdance.") You mean like, the National Airlines?
66. Also, instrumental song "Be Prepared" from the first movie.
67. We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring you another stampede in the first movie.
68. ("Question: Is it possible to fall off the edge of the Earth?") That's racist.
69. We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring you where Timon is doing a song about a small world after all in the first movie just as what Zazu done that day.
70. ("Timon, are you crying?" "I'm fine! I just have something in my eye.") A sad ending of the Lion King sequel? It's not over yet, Timon. Keep doing it.
71. ("Hot tuna frittata.")
72. ("A spinach armada.")
73. ("A spoon of ricotta.")
74. ("A wormy piccata.")
75. ("Kahuna colada.")
76. ("A blue enchilada.")
77. ("This outta be hotter.")
78. ("I gotta lambada!")
79. We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring a karaoke sing-along video with the ladybug.
80. ("Pumbaa..where's the grub? (sighs) You just can't help yourself, can you?") I know, because that warthog ate that ladybug while Timon is proudly singing whatsoever.
81. ("Hakuna ma-what-a"? "It means: no worries.") Why would you even do this?
82. ("Are you nuts?") Direct-to-video movie is way at 40 minutes even Uncle Max can hear. This is your group therapy.
83. ("Okay, who's in charge of the freeze frames?") "Timon using freeze frames of cub Simba but keeps messing up the Lion King movie" cliche.
84. We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring you a music video "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" be Lebo M from the first movie.
85. "Cub falls off branch" cliche.
86. ("We're gonna get old walking across this thing.") I know, right? Because Timon's exhausted over there.
87. ("Thus did the pupil surpass the teacher.") That's not even racist at all, f*cking warthog.
88. Also, dozens of seconds of snail eating.
89. We interrupt this Lion King sequel to bring you a music video and unnecessary song by Peter Gunn.
90. ("Maybe not?" "You never give up, do you?") I know, because that song in the first movie cracked me up from all your song mess up.
91. ("That's more like it: elbow room!") Premature echoing.
92. Those are your lonesome places that Timon doesn't hang out with a bird's nest, a hot tub in a sauna, a bunch of jungle vines, a log, and laying in the grass, because those are your chances in that movie.
93. ("What was with the running? If you could call that running.") And "running" is only a verb if it's not a person, place or a thing you can announce.
94. ("Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?") But…why? We've seen the first movie already in like, half a week enough!
95. ("For your last meal, you're gonna eat those words.") That's racist.
96. ("Wait, wait wait wait. Hold on a second." "Timon…what are you doing?") I just saw you being parents for a meerkat if already given to have parents, because hyenas are not wives.
97. ("I'd say Scar is down and out.") Simba: hundred, Scar: zero.
98. ("Crane…spreads it's wings. Turns…with dainty hands.") Yoga tutorials.
99. 50 seconds of song reprise.
100. ("Well, that's it. The big wrap up, the happy ending, and the grand finale!") Like three ways of becoming of an happy ending, you're not gonna believe this, if a sequel you pinned up for 6 years.
101. Are you sure those characters wanted to watch the movie again instead of the ending? Because this ending can't be over yet, guys. Keep watching.
102. All of the hidden Mickeys are complete, because Mickey.
103. ("Okay, buddy. You win." "Sure you don't mind?" "Hakuna Matata.") Roll credits! Seriously, can we f*cking roll credits yet? The Disney logo is at the screen over there.
104. ("Timon…I still don't do so well in crowds.") As in, a cameo of Disney characters in the movie.
105. Bradley Raymond directed it? I'm having my doubts. Very easily than that.
106. Jamie Thomason played the casting and dialogue director, which they'll be more credit which this direct-to-video liked it so much.
Movie Sin Tally: 106
Sentence: Half a Day for a Movie