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The EWW episode to the 2005 movie Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

Transcript Edit

  1. I'll admit, this s*it's gonna feel weird under a Disney logo.
  2. <Sigh> Tradition for tradition's sake.
  3. Also, reading.
  4. The March of War!
  5. These opening crawls always seem to tell a story that is not logical from where we left off - the Jedi and the Clones destroyed the droid army and the factory where they were built in the last movie - but suddenly Dooku can go around making successful attacks that he wasn't capable of before.
  6. These two ships are doing absolutely nothing except making a long, unbroken shot possible. Of course, when it's all a cartoon, how impressive is that?
  7. This is just stupid ludicrous survival.
  8. Also - this brings to light the fact that there appears to be no solid military plan involved on either side. Hey - just send all your ships out and we'll flip a coin! Heads - we die... Tails... we die... well, s*it. Someone's gotta win, might as well be us!
  9. (Obi-Wan: "Flying is for droids.") Obi-Wan became the one-liner asshole of this series.
  10. If you have droids that can do this, why not give them bombing capabilities?
  11. (Anakin: "The general's command ship is dead ahead.") Still? Like, four minutes ago you said the same thing! (Anakin: "General Grievous' ship is directly ahead...") Neither it nor you moved or changed direction in the last four minutes?!
  12. (Obi-Wan: "Oh, I have a bad feeling about this.") In earlier uses of this line it was always in a situation that was undefined - the person saying it didn't know why they got a bad feeling, but they got it nonetheless. Now you're just sticking it in for lip service.
  13. Revenge of the Sith brings the new trilogy's circle of life to a close by delivering is more extremely useless Jedi/droid battles.
  14. If only the bad guys in these movies had made their ships less R2-compatible, they would have won this s*it.
  15. So it's come to this. A coughing robot.
  16. (Anakin: "Destroyers.") This is almost a re-enactment of the scene from Phantom Menace when these Destroyers showed up. You'd think they'd learn to come from the sides to make defense nearly impossible.
  17. There's no reason these droids didn't blast these guys already.
  18. (Battle droid: "Uh-oh...") You stood here for a solid minute while Anakin hung from this thing!
  19. R2 continues to accidentally himself out of every situation he finds himself in.
  20. (Obi-Wan: "Sith Lords are our specialty." Yeah, except for Qui-Gon. Too soon?
  21. Also, you faced ONE Sith Lord by my count, and you only beat him because Qui-Gon softened him up. Anakin here... is a newbie. So... this statement makes no sense whatsoever, especially considering the two of you lost QUICKLY to this dude last movie.
  22. (Anakin: "My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Count.") I rolled a 20-sided die and got a million extra hit points so come at me, bro.
  23. Also no one for whom this is true would actually bother to say this s*it.
  24. Robots enter this Jedi battle to made things extra pointless.
  25. (Palpatine: "Get--") Get.
  26. This CGI makes it look like this shouldn't even hurt.
  27. Yep. Somewhere in George Lucas' basement, there are a number of severed arms and hands. He didn't commit the crimes, but he IS haunted by them.
  28. (Palpatine: "Good, Anakin, good!") I remember Return of the Jedi, too!
  29. (Palpatine: "He cut off your arm, and you wanted revenge.") Tale as old as time...
  30. Another Wilhelm bites the dust. Such a tragic family.
  31. So... the good guys are blasting this ship - but why? Don't they know Palpatine is on it? Don't they know two Jedi are tying to save Palpatine?
  32. I don't know what I just saw, but it was total bulls*it.
  33. (Grievous: "Activate ray shields.") Why didn't they do this before?
  34. (Obi-Wan: "Do you have a plan B?") I hope not. Luke and Leia need to be born!
  35. Aside from the coughing, which is dumb as hell, how does a robot get promoted through the ranks so quickly and become a general? What the f*ck is this nonsense?
  36. Discount robot Darth Mauls.
  37. Somehow... the best chance for survival involves Anakin trying to crash land this gigantic ship, as opposed to any kind of Jedi something something escape pod something.
  38. (Obi-Wan: "Eight plus sixty...") Ha ha ha ha, well, that means... something.
  39. It's good to see that during all this war, someone spotted the crashing ship and sent 4 firefighting jets to come spray water on it. Maybe don't shoot it down next time.
  40. (Obi-Wan: "Landing strip, straight ahead." Anakin: "We're coming in too hot!") Too hot for 10 miles of runway?! How is that possible?!
  41. Calculated risk? Behind-the-scenes control? I don't know... seems a bit foolish to me for the emperor to endanger himself in a crash-landing like this.
  42. Well, the first 24 minutes of this thing are some bulls*it, but it's still better than the trade federation negotiations.
  43. (Anakin: "You owe me one, and not for saving your skin for the 10th time." Obi-Wan: "9th time. That business on Cato Neimoidia doesn't-- doesn't count.") Once again, Jedi talk about some s*it we never got to see.
  44. These two are doing a marvelous job hiding their secret romance. And by "marvelous" I, of course, mean terrible.
  45. (Padmé: "There were whispers that you'd been killed.") Why!? Who knew the situation enough to make any kind of speculation?
  46. (Padmé: "Wait, not here.") Yes, not here... where you've already run to me, picked me up into your arms, and canoodled me... let's actually save the kissing for another place, where no one can actually see us and s*it.
  47. (Padmé: "Ani... I'm pregnant.") It's truly amazing how Yoda and a whole bunch of Jedi council member can't sense this s*it.
  48. (Padmé: "What are we gonna do?") Ok, I have an elaborate plan that involves you dying, me turning evil, and our twins not knowing they're related for almost 30 years... what do you say?!
  49. (Anakin: "...the happiest moment of my life.") Except when my mom died and I slaughtered all those Tusken Raiders. But this is a close second.
  50. (Anakin: "You are so... beautiful.") She's okay, but have you seen her decoy?!
  51. (Padmé: "It's only because I'm so in love.") No one who has ever been in love wouldnwrite dialogue like this.
  52. Heh heh... in the span of one movie, Padmé has gone from serious, determined protector of Naboo to flirty giggle girl in a nightie.
  53. Anakin rips off the "my love is gonna die" chosen-one dreams from Neo in The Matrix Reloaded.
  54. HOW do you sleep with this much light pouring in the window?! Shut the f*cking blinds, you idiots!
  55. ALSO... you're dating and gestating a baby in secret, but you're living together openly in the capital city?!
  56. (Anakin: "You die in childbirth." Padmé: "It was only a dream." Anakin: "I won't let this one become real.") I will lightsaber the DEATH out of you.
  57. (Padmé: "I doubt the Queen will continue to allow me to serve in the Senate.") How do you go from Queen to Senator but then the replacement Queen has more power than you do? Is this monarchy not based on birthright? Is the Queen elected but then still called a Queen?! I am so confused about Naboo's politics, and that's in a trilogy that spent UNGODLY amounts of time on politics!!!
  58. (Yoda: "Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?") There is no way Anakin is holding back all of his feelings right now. This guy wears his whole life on his sleeve and yet, the Force tells Yoda nothing.
  59. (Yoda: "The fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side.") What ISN'T a path to the Dark Side, huh?!
  60. (Yoda: "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.") Seems like this would have been Jedi 101 - with Obi-Wan teaching Anakin this on the first day of class - especially since the whole Jedi council didn't want to train him because of that very reason. Somehow this guy made it through his training without one whit of knowledge.
  61. (Obi-Wan: "Saleucami has fallen, and Master Vos has moved his troops to Bos Pity.") My brain just spun a wheel of chance to figure out what the hell Obi-Wan just said.
  62. (Palpatine: "I'm depending on you." Anakin: "For what? I don't understand.") Why would you? He's literally given you zero information so far!
  63. I guess this guy is somewhere on some other planet, sitting in a chair with the exact dimensions of this chair? Jesus.
  64. (Ki-Adi-Mundi: "What about the droid attack on the Wookiees?" Obi-Wan: "He's right. It's a system we cannot afford to lose.") Because Wookiees produce tons of wool for his universe or some s*it... actually I have no idea what they do - but Chewbacca, man!
  65. (Anakin: "What kind of nonsense is this?") George Lucas films his actors speaking in private.
  66. (Obi-Wan: "The only reason the council has approved your appointment is because the Chancellor trusts you.") Can someone not bug his office? Why do you have to enlist the iffy Anakin as an undercover detective?
  67. (Obi-Wan: "Anakin did not take to his new assignment with much enthusiasm." Windu: "It's very dangerous, putting them together.") Seems like maybe you three could have prevented a galactic disaster but just didn't for some reason.
  68. (Obi-Wan: "With all due respect, Master, is he not the chosen one?") With all due respect, Obi, were you not voicing your own concerns about him in the last f*cking movie?! Because you were, ass. It's like Lucas thinks of a line of dialogue that will propel his narrative, then assigns it to a character at random.
  69. (Yoda: "A prophecy that misread, could have been.") And you're only bringing this up now? S*it! You guys have done a LOT based on this prophecy you suddenly don't seem to trust because the writers want to make you Nostradamus.
  70. (Obi-Wan: "He will not let me down. He never has.") WHAT?! These movies have implied nohing short of an "exasperated mentor and rebellious student" dynamic between these two. The f*ck are you saying right now?! I mean... s*it... Anakin literally disobeys you at every turn!!!
  71. (Yoda: "I hope right you are.") Man, did the prequels take ALL the fun out of Yoda's speech patterns or what?!
  72. (Padmé: "Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo.") Specific hugging instructions are specific.
  73. Also, I didn't ever think it would come to this. But I'm sinning love.
  74. (Padmé: "So long ago, when there was nothing but our love, no politics, no plotting, no war.") Um, while you were falling in love last movie, all kinds of politics, plotting, and war were going on. What the actual f*ck!?
  75. Cirque du sol Bubbles.
  76. (Anakin: "...I know they don't trust you.") Anakin is officially the worst undercover cop ever - blabs to Palpatine within 90 seconds. I want to know who the f*ck on the council trusts Anakin and has he power to override Yoda and Windu on matters such as these!
  77. (Anakin: "The Jedi use their power for good." Palpatine: "Good is a point of view, Anakin.") Anakin's mind is more easily manipulated than a first-grader's.
  78. (Palpatine: "You ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?") Shhhh, quiet, I'm TRYING to watch the electric bubble show, dude!
  79. (Palpatine: "He could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create... life.") What purpose did it serve for Darth Plagueis to impregnate Shmi, who then went to Tatooine and gave birth to a potential Jedi who - without a whole bunch of bulls*it happening, would never have been discovered?
  80. (Palpatine: "Then his apprentice killed him in his sleep.") This series has been so focused on keeping the Palpatine/Darth Sidious "secret" that it's lost sight over what could have been an AWESOME thing to see - Sidious learning about the Force and killing his master. That's all these movies are - explanations and backstories of things that would have been awesome to see but we only hear about.
  81. Cheap Chewbacca cameo feels cheap and cameo.
  82. Did these Wookiees just do a Tarzan yell? My God, man. It just hurts my soul.
  83. (Obi-Wan: "However, it may turn out just to be a wild bantha chase.") Goose called, it doesn't appreciate your appropriation of its idiom.
  84. (Obi-Wan: "I've trained you since you were a small boy. I have taught you everything I know.") Except that part about controlling your emptions and whatnot. We skipped that lesson.
  85. (Padmé: "I'm not gonna die in childbirth, Ani.") You remember the dream about his dying mom he had as she was actually dying, though, right?
  86. (Tion Medon: "He is here. We are being held hostage, they are watching us.") But not closely enough, apparently.
  87. Obi-Wan watches himself pilot a ship away from the dock, and I'm left to wonder... am I watching The Island right now?!
  88. And... somehow, Obi-Wan managed to fake everyone out by NOT being on the ship when it flew away - something we didn't get to see because it's total bulls*it.
  89. When did Obi-Wan learn to ride one of these random bastards?
  90. This military fortress has no way of detecting and alerting General Grievous of this Jedi/Lizard intrusion.
  91. (Grievous: "Be thankful, Viceroy, you have not found yourself in my grip.") Grievous sounds EXACTLY like Sarris from Galaxy Quest.
  92. (Grievous: "Kill him.") While these four stun-gun guards attack Obi-Wan... NONE of the Grievous-loyal robots do jack or s*it.
  93. Wow, that was perfectly sized to fall on 4 incompetent robots!
  94. (Grievous: "I've been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Dooku.") When did you guys have time for that?
  95. What's better than one or two lightsabers? FOUR lightsabers!
  96. This is the funniest image in all of Star Wars - people just walking around and minding their own business while a HUGE battle takes place upstairs.
  97. (Grievous: "You must realize... you are doomed.") Saying things.
  98. Obi-Wan's instant spiritual bond with this planet's version of a Hippogriff. And yeah sure, I guess he's using he Force's connection with all of the universe to do this, but honestly... I just wanted to say the word "hippogriff" in this video, okay? I mean, it's not like YOU didn't roll your eyes at this s*it too!!
  99. Man, you've never SEEN more lightsabers in these f*cking prequels. That s*it's like CANDY in these films.
  100. I think the whole reason for the plot now is so that George Lucas can insert holograms onscreen.
  101. (Windu: "I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi. The Dark Side of the Force surrounds the Chancellor.") Oh, so you guys got your ability to see more clearly now? The Dark Side's been clouding your vision all the way up until now - I guess the Force simply acts according to the whim of the screenwriter.
  102. (Palpatine: "Don't you wonder why they won't make you a Jedi Master?") Don't you wonder why Anakin is so powerful in the Force but so blind to this SUPER obvious manipulation?!
  103. (Palpatine: "...and you will be able to save your wife... from certain death.") Except not. And when Padmé still dies, it makes NO sense that Anakin/Vader doesn't then go into berserker mode and consume the entire galaxy or at least kill Palpatine for lying.
  104. Obi-Wan can apparently punch this robot's electric weapon with his bare hand and not suffer damage from it.
  105. These two are wrestling on the control seat of this disc-transport while it perfectly executes hairpin turns. In other words, f*ck you.
  106. Both of these fools land on the hangar floor, which is lucky as S*IT since this disc craft goes over the edge and falls 18 stories below. Revenge of the Convenience!!
  107. Obi-Wan never ONCE uses the Force Push against this asshole even though he clearly showed the ability to do so.
  108. (Anakin: "I think Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord." Windu: "...A Sith Lord?!") Whaaaaaaaaa-?
  109. 90 seconds of "What am I going to do?" contemplation.
  110. (Windu: "You're under arrest, Chancellor.") We didn't even get a scene where they tell Yoda about Palpatine - what he might think about the situation. This arrest seems totally rushed and emotionally-charged, completely anti-Jedi in every way.
  111. How did this asshole become a Jedi if he's so easy to kill? And Mr. No-Name here, too?
  112. Annnd this is sort of the problem movies have in general - they have a hard time explaining how good someone is at a particular art, so the answer is, "Let's make everyone else really bad at their job."
  113. Emperor versus Mace Windu battle really heats things up with a big load of BORING.
  114. I'm surprised a big turkey power-up icon didn't show up onscreen. Or a big pile of money.
  115. I think this officially qualifies as a fetish.
  116. (Sidious: "Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth... Vader.") I don't know why that name popped into my head, especially since everybody else has not-so-subtle Darth names like Maul, Sidious, and Plagueis, but I'm not married to it - let's see what happens.
  117. This is all we see of Yoda during this entire section of the movie. He just feels something is wrong. He doesn't do anything that ever makes us appreciate the character from Empire Strikes Back. The guy who told us "do, not try" is the least doing character in this entire trilogy.
  118. (Sidious: "I want you to go to the Jedi Temple. We will catch them off-balance.") Somehow they'll not feel all his evil bulls*it going on right now and won't detect you when you come to slaughter all the kids.
  119. (Sidious: "Execute Order 66." Cody: "Yes, my lord.") Commander Cody diesn't stop for even one second to ask why the Emperor looks more like a potato than he does the Emperor.
  120. Also, "If you remember, Cody, 66 is the order the Senate defines as 'wiping out the Jedi like little bitches'."
  121. What planet is this? What Jedi is this? You don't care. I don't care. I don't even think Lucas cares, as long as it looks pretty.
  122. Tim Burton designed this alien planet, but asked to be uncredited after he saw a rough first cut.
  123. Oh no! Not... THAT Jedi... I grew to love her so much!
  124. Oh f*ck you. I can't believe these movies actually made me hate Yoda so much. There are CG animators out there who got tired of all the ways they had to draw Yoda "feeling bad about something".
  125. Dumbass Jedi does NOT eject. Look, I know we're going for a "killing all the Jedi" montage here, but YOU are the ones who set them uo to be superhero gods, sonwhen you go to slaughter them... maybe make some of them a fraction better than "regular humans" in these situations, eh?! Jesus. This movie does more to tear DOWN the lore of how powerful Jedi are than it does... ANYTHING else.
  126. CGI is fun!! Wheeeeeee!
  127. They took forever to kill him, and now I'm supposed to have a boner because Yoda killed two guys.
  128. As long as you throw the Emperor down a shaft later, all these kids' deaths will be forgiven.
  129. Very f*cking tragic misuse of Natalie Portman.
  130. Wait... a second ago they were letting this asshole leave. Then some Jedi Tommy Tammisimo junps in and starts killing troopers, and THEN they're trying to kill this guy?! The f*ck!?
  131. If I'd told you at the outset that two of the three prequel movie would contain scenes of Obi-Wan swimming underwater... would you have believed me? Cause... I don't think you would have.
  132. (Yoda: "Goodbye, Chewbacca.") Oh, so that really was Chewbacca? How did this guy get caught up with Han Solo then? Goes from a war hero on this planet to helping some asshole smuggle stuff across the galaxy. That's some Coming Home s*it right there.
  133. (Cody: "Did you find Kenobi?" Clone Trooper: "Sir, no one could've surived that fall.") In real life, almost everyone thinks there's at least a small chance someone could survive a fall like that. In the movies, all the bad guys are 100% sure no one can survive a fall like that.
  134. (Padmé: "I heard there was an attack on the Jedi Temple, you could see the smoke from here!") Yeah, that "Jedi Temple getting attacked" scene was intense! I heard a lot of harrowing dialogue about it!
  135. (C-3PO: "I feel so... helpless.") You mispronounced "pointless".
  136. This lava moon's orbit is so close to its giant-ass planet I'm surprised it hasn't burned up in the atmosphere yet.
  137. Who the F*CK said, "Yeah, DEFINITELY need to build an outpost on THIS moon!!"??
  138. I know there's something wrong with this scene because none of these younglings' hands are detached.
  139. Anakin kills the 33 people necessary in order to attain orange eyes.
  140. (Padmé: "So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause.") <Choking Sounds> Sorry... something really stupid stuck in my throat there... carry on.
  141. (Yoda: "For the clones... to discover the recalibration, a long time it will take.") Roughly as long as it took for you to sya that sentence, so... yes.
  142. (Obi-Wan: "It can't be...") Another failure here. So much of the reason why Obi-Wan can't believe Anakin did this is because of all the adventures they've had OFF-SCREEN together that they've merely alluded to a couple of times. Meanwhile... all we've seen of Anakin is a whiny, quick-to-anger little bastard. The emotion of this scene is lost.
  143. (Sidious: "You have done well, my new apprentice.") Good of the Emperor to say this in perfect view of the security recordings.
  144. (Yoda: "Use your feelings, Obi-Wan, and find him you will.") Since when do a Jedi's feelings work in these movies?
  145. Why doesn't Obi-Wan just PLAY the incriminating security video of Anakin killing children for her?!?!
  146. (Obi-Wan: "...Anakin is the father, isn't he?") Ask that again... I was distracted by all the bulls*it in the background.
  147. (Obi-Wan: "...Anakin is the father, isn't he?") You seriously didn't know that already? Goddamn, can Jedi sense s*it or f*cking NOT?!?!?
  148. Obi-Wan leaves Padmé, walks towards his ship, and the next time we see them they're about to foy to the lava planet. At no point do we see Padmé making a tough decision to say, "F*ck it, Anakin is evil. Let's kill him. I don't care if I'm carrying TWINS, that guy is dead."
  149. Also, I guess Obi-Wan didn't search his feelings abiut Anakin's whereabouts. He just happened to know someone who knew the information he needed.
  150. Obi-Wan brings Padmé to the lava planet for his kill of Anakin because... what could possibly go wrong?
  151. (Padme: "Anakin...you're breaking my heart!") Why do we hate this line so much? Is it because the badass character Padmé we saw in Phantom Menace going around leading an assault on the Viceroy has become a lump of melodramatic mush?
  152. (Obi-Wan: "Let. Her. GO.") Durrr... OK.
  153. (Anakin: "If you're not with me... then you're my enemy.") Discount What Jesus Said.
  154. This is what it's all been leading towards... Obi-Wan fighting Anakin... and it's... really kind of he letdowniest of letdowns.
  155. Man, if only we could have had some of THIS Yoda 2 movies ago - hell, under this trilogy's structure, it practically demanded Yoda be terrible at Yoda-ing until way later.
  156. Yoda takes this lightning blast as if he wasn't expecting the Emperor to be evil or something.
  157. (Sidious: "At last, the Jedi are no more." Yoda: "Not if anything to say about it, I have!") Good job, movie, you made me want Frank Oz to shut up... somehow.
  158. Anakin's robotic arm somehow isn't strong enough to just crush Obi-Wan's throat.
  159. Not much but dual lightsaber duels going on right now. But I wonder - the Emperor had a tough time with Mace Windu duing their duel, so how does he keep up with Yoda, who is flipping all around, is super fast, and is mostly considered to be the best Jedi up until recently?
  160. Seriously... how does he not see this until the last second? How did he not see Yoda stop it mid-air, and start spinning it, and then start throwing it towards him?
  161. Yoda can catch the Sith lightning in his hands, proving his badassery, but eventually he falls and another fall takes him out of the action. You assume temporarily. But the movie cuts back to the Anakin/Obi-Wan fight and basically makes you forget Yoda has options to get back in the fight - for example, elevators, stairs... the Force! Instead, the next time we see Yoda, he's crawling through a wiring duct as if he's totally defeated.
  162. Why would the battle ever come to this? I'd rather take my chances, even if I was cornered, than to jump down on a f*cking pipe hovering above lava to fight.
  163. It's completely unbelievable a lightsaber duel could go on this long without any lost limbs or ears or heads.
  164. Apparently not being nearly epic enough, the Obi-Wan/Anakin fight now has to feature them falling on a large metal thing that we have no idea what its purpose is other thna to make lightsaber fights more dramatic.
  165. Because Lucas only has so many ideas, here's a hero after a near-defeat falling from the bottom of a hovering space building into an awaiting rescue ship driven by the handsome minority side character... in case you haven't seen Empire Strikes Back.
  166. (Yoda: "Into exile, I must go. Failed, I have.") I know we need a reason why Yoda goes to Dagobah, but he very much gave up the fight with the Emperor too soon. All the cool stuff Yoda did in he past 10 minutes... forget about it.
  167. How fortunate is it that this tower stays upright while floating down a river of lava it's being consumed - oh, f*ck it. My lack of interest should be BEYOND obvious right now. Just... tell me when it's over.
  168. This is supposed to be epic but it feels like a guy who just learned After Effects creating his own fan fiction and shared it on YouTube, which was founded the very year this movie came out. COINCIDENCE!?
  169. Wait... are they powering their pieces of metal junk to fly over this lava pit? Seems like this is a talent that could have gotten a lot more use over time - basically this means you can fly as long as you have a thing underneath you.
  170. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
  171. (Obi-Wan: "It's over, Anakin! I have the high ground.") Yep, movie about superhero Jedi freaks that can leap small buildings will now be decided by a couple of feet above sea level. Because... Sun Tzu!
  172. (Obi-Wan: "I have the high ground.") So did Darth Maul, and you saw how that turned out.
  173. Also, even if high ground mattered, why would Anakin need to give up in this instance? Can't he simply "drive" back to where all this started? Or find another spot to dismount?
  174. (Obi-Wan: "It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them!") You're still on about that?
  175. Stupidly, Obi-Wan takes pity on his former student and walks away before confirming his death.
  176. Terminator: Genisys.
  177. (Medical droid: "Medically, she's completely healthy.") Are there really no doctors left in this world? Everyone here gets treated by a Big Hero 6 dressed in Johnny Five clothing.
  178. (Medical droid: "For reasons we can't explain, we are losing her.") It's called the "She Wasn't in the Original Trilogy" disease.
  179. Padmé names her kids as they exit her womb - which is simply unnatural. It's like Lucas said, "No one will know who these kids are! Better have Padmé name them as soom as they pop out!"
  180. Ah, I see Padmé went to the "close your eyes and tilt your head" school of movie deaths.
  181. (Sidious: "It seems, in your anger, you killed her.") Darth Vader believes this.
  182. Also, wow. Lying liars and the lies they tell. Isn't he already Darth Vader? Does he really still need manipulating?!
  183. (Vader: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!") Yes? ...I mean... no.
  184. (Obi-Wan: "We must take them somewhere where the Sith will not sense their presence.") We'll take Luke to somewhere like, I don't know, Anakin's old home planet. Why the hell not!?
  185. (Obi-Wan: "And what of the boy?" Yoda: "To Tatooine, to his family, send him.") It's almost like they forgot the guideline they set just 20 seconds earlier.
  186. (Obi-Wan: "I will take the child and watch over him.") Kinda.
  187. Also, he and I will keep our same last names, because f*ck that pseudomym bulls*it.
  188. (Obi-Wan: "Qui-Gon?!" Yoda: "How to commune with him, I will teach you.") I'll also teach you about forgetting him, too!
  189. (Organa: "Have the protocol droid's mind wiped.") But not the R2 unit - he'll go on with all his memories but forget he knew any of these people.
  190. Yeah, this sage would have felt incomplete without the Padmé funeral. Good call!
  191. Jar Jar is extra sad about his own part in the fall of the prequels - I mean empire.
  192. Man, they buried her with EXTRA hair, right?! Did she have that s*it wigged out and in a closet somewhere already?! That is a f*ck-ton of hair, is all I'm saying.
  193. Discount Long-Distance Not Actually Peter Cushing.
  194. Movie thinks construction footage of a doomed thing will make for an exciting ending, and movie is wrong... for the 147th time.
  195. Isn't Vader still badly burned? Did they ever give him anything for that? That's going to get infected.
  196. Touching Alderaan baby delivering scene is undercut by the future knowledge that all these-a-people-on-dis-planet-gonna-die.
  197. Here, have a baby.
  198. Also, Jedi storks.
  199. Also, Owen and Beru age like 40 years while Luke ages 20 the next time we see them.
  200. Movie prequel trilogy thinks it's tied up all the loose ends despite ending roughly 20 years from the START of the original trilogy. What about Luke's puberty? What about Leia's struggle with why her parents' castle has a ball room but never has any balls?
  201. Also, are we supposed to believe that Luke got his double-sun gazing habit from his Aunt and Uncle while he was two weeks old? Such poetry.

Movie Sin Tally: 201

OBI-WAN ONE-LINER BONUS ROUND

  • "Oh, this is going to be easy." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 1)
  • "Flying is for droids." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 2)
  • "Oh dear." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 3)
  • "Oh, I have a bad feeling about this." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 4)
  • "Always on the move." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 5)
  • "Sith Lords are our specialty." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 6)
  • "Did I miss something?" (+1) (Bonus Sins: 7)
  • "How did this happen? We're smarter than this." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 8)
  • "Do you have a plan B?" (+1) (Bonus Sins: 9)
  • "We have a job to do, Anakin. Try not to upset him." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 10)
  • "Not to worry. We are still flying half a ship." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 11)
  • "Another happy landing." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 12)
  • "Hello there." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 13)
  • "So uncivilised." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 14)
  • "I have the high ground." (+1) (Bonus Sins: 15)

Movie Sin Tally: 216

EVEN FURTHER MORE EXTRA ADDITIONAL HOLOGRAMS BONUS ROUND TOO ALSO

  • R2's projection of ship layout (+1) (Bonus Sins: 1)
  • Sidious hologram to Grievous (+5) (Bonus Sins: 6)
  • Obi-Wan's war battlemap (+10) (Bonus Sins: 16)
  • Ki-Adi-Mundi and Plo Koon holograms in the Jedi Council (x2) (Bonus Sins: 247)
  • Council hologram on Kashyyyk (+1000) (Bonus Sins: 1247)
  • Ki-Adi-Mundi, Yoda and Plo Koon holograms in the Jedi Council (x3) (Bonus Sins: 2924)
  • Obi-Wan's map of Utapau (+15) (Bonus Sins: 2939)
  • Battlemap + Yoda, Cody, Ki-Adi Mundi and Aayla Secura holograms to Windu and Anakin (x3) (Bonus Sins: 8802)
  • Palpatine's security plan (+20) (Bonus Sins: 8822)
  • Sidious hologram to Cody (+25) (Bonus Sins: 8847)
  • Cody hologram to Sidious (+30) (Bonus Sins: 8877)
  • Sidious hologram to clone pilot (+35) (Bonus Sins: 8912)
  • Sidious hologram to Kashyyyk clone trooper (+40) (Bonus Sins: 8952)
  • Organa hologram to Obi-Wan (+45) (Bonus Sins: 8997)
  • Sidious hologram to Nute Gunray (+50) (Bonus Sins: 9047)
  • Battlemaps in Mustafar Separatist holdout (+55) (Bonus Sins: 9102)
  • Hologram of Anakin and Sidious (x2) (Bonus Sins: 13503)
  • Hologram of Anakin killing younglings (x4) (Bonus Sins: 81018)
  • Another hologram of Anakin and Sidious (x2) (Bonus Sins: 107844)
  • Anakin hologram to Sidious (+60) (Bonus Sins: 107904)
  • Hologram equipment in birthing room (x2) (Bonus Sins: 216018)

Movie Sin Tally: 432, 216

Sentence: Exiled to Dagobah (for quitting)

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