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The EWW episode to the 2015 movie Inside Out.

Transcript Edit

  1. (the Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar logos are shown) 45 seconds of two freaking logos... as usual.
  2. Darkness instantly tells me there's going to be some narration in this bitch. (Narration Starts) Narration.
  3. This baby memory should have fallen off the track and smashed on the floor, thereby giving us a good reason for why we can't remember baby stuff. Or—or—how about a memory TROLL with 18 million hit points and infinite mana!
  4. Discount Marble Madness.
  5. (when Joy talks about Fear's job about keeping Riley safe) at that age? Riley would have ran right over that power cord and wouldn't have given two s*its about it.
  6. Also, movie steals its entire premise from Herman's Head.
  7. (when Disgust makes Riley not like the broccoli) How do this child's brand new emotions know they hate broccoli, let alone what it even is?!
  8. (when Joy introduces Disgust and Anger) Okay, so far we have Joy, Sadness, Fear Disgust. . . and Anger. And that's it. The rest of the movie. No Love, no Loyalty, no Competitive Spirit, no Logic, no. . .
  9. (when Riley's dad says she won't get dessert if she doesn't eat her dinner and then Anger is reading a newspaper that says "NO DESSERT!") How is Anger already reading a newspaper about "NO DESSERT" before Riley's dad said anything about it? Great newspaper, by the way, but were still sinning this because we're assholes.
  10. (when Anger makes Riley angry) None of the other emotions have any control over anger, even though they are all within "stopping Anger from pulling these levers" distance.
  11. (when Joy talks about Riley's memories) Which are somehow not shot from her POV, but i guess we get the point.
  12. (while Joy talks Goofball Island) Riley's memory storage is a Discount Pinterest.
  13. Well, I"m definitely on some kind of watch list now. Thanks, Pixar.
  14. (while Joy is talking about the islands) Movie creates a series of islands that all seem worthy of their own emotion character thing, but. . . whatever.
  15. (when Joy says the islands are what makes Riley Riley) And we five main emotions with direct access to an action-control board have NO SAY in the matter whatsoever.
  16. (when Joy sends all the emotions of today into Long Term) Damn. . .that is a LOT of long-term memories she's supposedly going to hold onto forever.
  17. Apparently, this is the first time Riley is noticing the house going up for sale or given any warning they're going to move.
  18. Also. . . Pixar dips into the Toy Story well for a cheap "family is moving" plot-starter.
  19. Neither apes nor mutants are attacking the Golden Gate Bridge in this scene.
  20. Riley clearly has no understanding of the real estate market in San Francisco, or she'd be freaking out over how much money her parents are going to earn when they flip this thing.
  21. See, this is the problem with choosing 4 negative emotions and only one positive one as the five main Riley emotions. She's constantly going to be fighting for any scrap of happiness.
  22. (when the emotions are talking about how their new room will look) Why would Anger, Sadness, Fear, and Disgust have some sort of weird say in how this room looks.
  23. (while Riley's dad talking about the moving van) Why does the moving van status cause more than 10 memories to occur?
  24. (while Riley and her dad are pretending to play hockey) Hockey, once again, saves a marriage.
  25. (when the emotions react disgusted about broccoli pizza) Movie continues its assault on broccoli.
  26. (when Anger says that San Francisco ruined pizza) Uh, no, Chicago did that.
  27. (when Riley's mom ask what kind of pizza place serves one kind of pizza) The non-existent movie kind. The one you find in screenplays that drive the emotions of the plot.
  28. Movie does some kind of explaining that things are going weird with the memories and core memories and the emotions. . . but does such a poor job of it that I'm left thinking just about anything might happen, which is exactly the case.
  29. (when Riley's dad talking on the phone) "Parent openly discusses family financial trouble in full auditory 'view' of concerned child" cliche.
  30. (while Riley is having a bad dream) Hey, I love this. but apparently dream are mind-numbingly literal and directly reference things that happened during the day.
  31. (when one slice of broccoli pizza says "Eat me I'm organic") 'Eat me I'm organic' is my new pickup line.
  32. Considering you five emotions LITERALLY control Riley's actions during awake-time, it's crazy you have no control over dream-time!
  33. (while Joy is telling Sadness to stay in the circle she drew) Sadness Imprisonment.
  34. (when Riley begins to cry while introducing herself) Well, crying on your first day of school WHILE introducing yourself to you classmates is basically the WORST day of school ever. Way to go, slack-ass emotions.
  35. (when Sadness says that Riley can't be happy without Joy) Apparently, she can't be sad either because you're also not there. But that's something we'll gloss over.
  36. Also, this is why you don't make 4 of your 5 core emotions negative one!!!
  37. Movie puts a whole bunch of bulls*it between Joy and Riley's brian just for the sake of the runtime of the film.
  38. Riley's Headquarters looks an awful lot like the CN Tower.
  39. (while Riley's mom is talking to her) Here's an interesting quandary the movie is in at this point. Supposedly, Joy and Sadness are in a place where they're PHYSICALLY stuck until they can figure out how to get back to head quarters. But what if her parents suddenly moved back to Minnesota, she reunited with all her friends, and everything went back to normal? Would a magic vacuum enter Riley's head and suck them back into headquarters.
  40. This in itself is sad, as Mom's head appears to be captained by Sadness more than any of the other emotions. But also, and more importantly, why are all of Mom's emotions female, and Riley's emotions live in a coed dorm?
  41. The father is thinking about a full game of hockey while eating ? That's racist, but also impractical.
  42. Unfortunately for Joy and Sadness, they just happened to be walking across the Goofball Island Bridge at the very moment it decided it was going to collapse.
  43. Training from the Prometheus School of Running Away from Things actually helps these emotional gals!
  44. (when Sadness is tells which way Joy should go) Why is Sadness pretending to know which way to go?
  45. (when the two Mind Workers are talking about phone numbers) This movie is genuinely clever and we love it, so take our sins as a function of us just being dumb gorillas . . .but Riley is a Millennial, and it's doubtful she EVER memorized phone numbers. This is more of a joke for people in their 30s who grew up memorizing numbers, but when the cell phone age began, suddenly didn't have to.
  46. (while Riley is humming the Triple Dent Gum song) You know, Riley definitely ain't happy here. . .but isn't she. . .kind happy singing this song? She's definitely not disgusted, scared, or angry. . .so. . .
  47. (when Disgust tells Anger to stay happy) How do these emotions "stay happy?"
  48. Apparently, Riley's long-lost imaginary friend goes around. . .stealing long-term memories? I mean. . .what?! Is he the guy responsible for losing socks in the dryer, too?
  49. Also. . . guy who can certainly help out is kind of embarrassed about his Riley memory stealing and thereby takes off running instead of helping, because. . . Horton Hears A Who?
  50. (when Bing Bong realizes Joy is Joy) How does news about the various emotions travel outside of headquarters to imaginary friends or employees of a human head? Is that the weirdest thing I've ever written? Yes it is!
  51. (while Bing Bong is crying candy after hurting himself) Just want to be clear: the imaginary friend inside of Riley's head just sprained his leg?
  52. (when Bing Bong says there gonna take the Train of Thought) Movie just keeps inventing ways out of the bulls*it scenarios it puts its characters into.
  53. (when Joy, Sadness and Bing Bong are in Riley's abstract though) Riley's own Joy and Sadness are now in her abstract thought, and i just lost the battle with my own existentialism.
  54. How was Riley talked into playing hockey again, especially since she's completely shut down since Joy left headquarters?
  55. (while Fear is trying to help Riley play hockey) Apparently, one's ability to play hockey is dependent upon the ability to keep memory balls in a thing. Perhaps this is an exploration of Riley's heart? But the heart never really makes an appearance in this movie, physically speaking.
  56. (when joy tried to make Bing Bong happy with the Tickle Monster) Tickle Monster.
  57. Riley's dreams are truly the weirdest things ever because they are ALL based on earlier events. Does she ever have that dream where she's trying to get somewhere but no matter how far she travels, she never gets any close?
  58. What?! How did the cops and Bing Bong get THAT freaking far that quickly?!
  59. (when Sadness says the place is where they keep Riley's darkest fears) Apparently there is no room for happy thoughts in the subconscious. And couldn't some of the darkest fears have popped up in Imagination Land? I guess that we would have ruined the production design.
  60. (when Joy sees broccoli and gets scared) Goddamn. I know it's common for kids to dislike vegetables, but this assault on broccoli is offensive. That s*it is DELICIOUS AND NUTRITIOUS!
  61. (when grandma's vacuum cleaner comes) What is this? A cat's subconscious? How is a vacuum cleaner a subconscious thing. . .something we're VAGUELY aware of but we're not quite sure is real? I guess this is why the hairs on our neck stand up every time we walk into a Sears.
  62. Instead of lifting up the balloon cage, Joy tried to do this. I mean, we see her do this with a different balloon down here. . . so it's not like balloons are super heavy in this place.
  63. Honest Island crashes into the "train of thought" and so the train gets derailed. But doesn't she still have a "train of thought" about running away? if we're making physical representations of abstract things, does this mean she's not thinking anymore? Am I overthinking this? I'm pretty sure i am, but it's amazing how convenient all of these physical interruptions are to the plot?
  64. Well. . . what would've happened if it had missed and just fallen? Cam emotions die? See! Look how convenient it all is! You say, "Who cares, it's a kids movie about the inside of a brain," but I say, "I care, dammit, because cheap tension does not equate as real!"
  65. Joy is a dick!! In brain land. . . this is basically manslaughter.
  66. I mean. . .see? There's an unseen villain at work in this movie, something that knows Joy is trying to get back to headquarters but is doing everything in its power to keep her from doing do. Is it The Nothing? I think it's The Nothing.
  67. Annnnnd now that Joy's fallen down here with Bing Bong, it means it's a harmless fall because this movie is NOT going to kill Joy, which then undercuts the earlier cheap-tension -train bulls*it even further!
  68. HOW could this kid have forgotten this first day of school sadness in the few days since it happened?! That's literally not possible.
  69. (when Joy begins to be sad) I guess this is a tearjerking scene. But it doesn't really make sense if you consider how often the movie showed us these five emotions controlling Riley's actions. so the stories were probably made up by you assholes too. You flip flop all over this movie from acting parental & protective of Riley to actually BEING RILEY.
  70. (when Joy says she just wanted to make Riley happy) And Sadness wants her to be sad, and Anger wants her to be----HOW could this have ended any other way?! The deck was stacked against happiness from the start!
  71. Imaginary rocket-wagon ex machina.
  72. Why is there a f*cking ramp in the middle of all these forgotten memories? And it looks like it's a giant book. How the f*ck did that get down here?
  73. "Imaginary hero sacrifices himself to save the mind" cliche.
  74. Why does he need to disappear all of a sudden?
  75. Also. . . why did he disappear so quickly? His hand evaporated as soon as the got down here and now he's completely gone, but Joy's okie-dokey. What's up with that? They fell into the Forgotten at the same time, right?
  76. (when Joy says she'll try and says Bing Bong) Ha ha ha. Sorry, I was getting sad about his death there, for real, but then she said his name again.
  77. Joy gets the idea to follow the trail of Sadness balls to find Sadness. But why can't this be from earlier when she was being dragged all over the place and touching the bottom row?
  78. I regret this notion that Sadness can just make every single one of these memories sad by just touching them. And if you tell me certain memories are going to be looked back upon with sadness just because of all the s*it she's going through, then I'm going to tell you all these other memories on the higher shelves should be affected, too. You can't just pick up and choose that s*it, yo.
  79. Funny how all the other islands immediately crashed, but this one is staying up because. . .family, I guess? If it's that strong, does it survival really depend on whether or not Riley gets on that bus?
  80. (when Joy says she's positive her idea is crazy) indeed, but that rainbow wagon rocket s*it worked, so just get on with it already.
  81. Well, we've been dicks to this movie. . .and this is the type of quality Pixar was hammering out almost every year until Disney decided to make them churn out sequels to everything. This is a return to form, and we'll knock 2 sins off. (two sins removed)
  82. (when sadness talk about Tragic Vampire Romance Island) Twilight.
  83. (when Disgust and Fear are talking about two other islands) Amazing they could sum up an 11-year-old girl with 5 f*cking islands, but a year later there's a whole Caribbean out there. . .because the age of 12 is magic.
  84. (when the boy's emotions are running around scared) Ha ha ha ha ha. (minus one sin)
  85. (while Riley is playing hockey) What? Now you're controlling her every move again? You weren't doing that while she walked from her parents to the ice or interacted with that boy, but. . . way to make hockey a video game basically, movie.
  86. (when joy says she and the other 4 emotions still love their girl) You ARE that girl!!
  87. This entire end-credits sequence is inspired and awesome. (minus one sin) Movie Sin Tally: 80 Sentence: Candy Apple Island

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